Now I can legally drive you round the bend.

As always, I promise not to lie in my blogs. So - I warn you now - I am very tired, and am prone to explaining things in my own, marvelous, sleep-deprived way. So let's get started.

Today, I had a driving test - and then I died.

There I was - sitting in a no-names-mentioned driving school car of which an anagram would be "SBM" - awaiting my examiner to come out an examine me to see whether I would pass the exam which examined my ability to drive. As he stepped into the vehicle, and asked me "Are you nervous" - I was very tempted to say "Yes, but don't worry -I'll pass or die trying", and then lock the doors - but decided not to as I thought that at least one person inside the one point five tonne chunk of metal I was about to drive at forty-two miles per hour should be compos mentis, and not busy praying to as many Gods as they could think of to ensure that when we hit the brick wall that "just came out of nowhere" they had a reservation in whichever place looked the nicest.

Fortunately, I am a atheist - and so was more than happy to pay attention to the road, and not make the same mistakes I made taking my test last time. Hell, at no point in the "Highway Code" does it say "Hitting old ladies and / or children is not a generally good idea" - trust me - I checked! Still - turns out that what I call "population control" the courts call "Manslaughter" - which meant that I didn't quite pass first time. However, this time I did pass! Huzzah!

But, as that guy in "Spiderman" once said - "With great power comes great responsibility". In this case - it was trying to get insurance. Now, I did my research - and a couple of companies did get back to me with quotes. When I announced that I was a seventeen year old male from a urbanised area, they simply mailed me a bucket with a note that said "Hey scumbag, here's a bucket. Fill it with gold, money, and the blood of 100 virgins, and we will grant you your car". However, after completely emptying the local nursery - I was unable to meet the 100 target, and so have decided to put getting my own car on hiatus until after I leave uni.

Finally, I said I died. That's because one of my friends decided that she would have a birthday. She doesn't ask for one often (She only really asks once a year) - so I decided that I would play along. However, when the invite arrived here at mission control / the bat cave / my bedroom - my eyes were drawn to two things. 1. She had written it on silver card. How very cool. I wish I had silver card. 2. I had to dress as if I were dead. I didn't have much time to come up with a plan - but I decided death wasn't enough - and went for full on "Gore".

By "Gore", I mean Lesley Gore. My death involved a five second loop from Lesley Gore's song "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows". Sure enough, after just 0.2 listens, the last rice-grain of sanity in the curry that is my mind was ripped from me, sending me into a death-like trance which worked perfectly given the aim of the event.

Anyway, my blog is weekday only folks - So I will see you lovely people Monday! I'll Miss you! Will you miss me?

Peace.

PS. I have work tomorrow. I hope the weather is nice. The sun makes me happy when I can bask in its glow behind my till.