Super duper ultra fast blog update - blogs as of now will be updated Fridays as they are now once-a-week!
See you Friday!
Peace.
PS. I do still love you all. Sometimes, it's hard to blog and work at the same time - but I do still love you. Do you still love me?
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Friday, 2 October 2009
Can I get a Venti Java Chip Frappuccino, Double Blended, To Go, Please?
Oh yes - today I deserve overtly-homosexual, dramatically over-named coffees. Don't worry, however. Even I am too manly to order the aforementioned coffee - and go for my regular weapon of choice - the far more manly "Mocha with Whipped Cream".
I often stand there, alone, at the front of the queue - frantically searching through my numerous coffee shop loyalty cards in order to pull out the one that will save me a whole twenty pence whilst the people stand behind me, chuckling about what beverage I have selected - however - I don't care. Of course I don't! I've got a script to finish!
Basically, I am working on a film noir at the moment - and despite the fact that it's only to be about five minutes long, and I've been working on the script for weeks - It's still not finished! However, I have not thrown in the hypothetical towel yet as the reason I am allowing what I call "script snobbery", and what others are calling "being a social recluse with no life and no chance of ever getting a girlfriend" to take place - as this film will play a huge part in my university application. Tonight, I've decided that although I do have to go to my Saturday job tomorrow, I am pulling a now trademarked "all-nighter" to make progress, and will naturally rely on one of my local coffee shop's manly beverages to maintain me through tomorrow.
Still, with "operation for awesome" AKA "Applying to uni" now in full effect - I don't mind pulling more all-nighters, and besides, you get to hear some mighty interesting sounds at half-past-silly when you live in an urbanised area; - the kind of thing that sounds mildly reminiscent to every episode of "eastenders" being crammed into a sandwich, and fed to you through your ears in just thirty seconds.
Anyway, the script has a horrible habit of not writing itself, So I'm going to get back on with it!
If I am alive, check back Monday to find out what happens!
Peace.
PS. I have installed a new, brighter light bulb today. I don't like how dull the old one was - it made the hallway look scary at night - which made me afraid of using the toilet.
I often stand there, alone, at the front of the queue - frantically searching through my numerous coffee shop loyalty cards in order to pull out the one that will save me a whole twenty pence whilst the people stand behind me, chuckling about what beverage I have selected - however - I don't care. Of course I don't! I've got a script to finish!
Basically, I am working on a film noir at the moment - and despite the fact that it's only to be about five minutes long, and I've been working on the script for weeks - It's still not finished! However, I have not thrown in the hypothetical towel yet as the reason I am allowing what I call "script snobbery", and what others are calling "being a social recluse with no life and no chance of ever getting a girlfriend" to take place - as this film will play a huge part in my university application. Tonight, I've decided that although I do have to go to my Saturday job tomorrow, I am pulling a now trademarked "all-nighter" to make progress, and will naturally rely on one of my local coffee shop's manly beverages to maintain me through tomorrow.
Still, with "operation for awesome" AKA "Applying to uni" now in full effect - I don't mind pulling more all-nighters, and besides, you get to hear some mighty interesting sounds at half-past-silly when you live in an urbanised area; - the kind of thing that sounds mildly reminiscent to every episode of "eastenders" being crammed into a sandwich, and fed to you through your ears in just thirty seconds.
Anyway, the script has a horrible habit of not writing itself, So I'm going to get back on with it!
If I am alive, check back Monday to find out what happens!
Peace.
PS. I have installed a new, brighter light bulb today. I don't like how dull the old one was - it made the hallway look scary at night - which made me afraid of using the toilet.
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Congestion Charge In Operation.
Funny, really - come to think of it.
Every day, thousands of commuters have to pay to travel through London because they are causing "congestion" - despite the fact that they are trying to help the economy by working. However, I woke up this morning feeling rather congested myself; Sore throat, and a blocked nose - yet, when I attempted to get the illness to "cough up" it's £5.70 fee - it simply responded by sending my chest into a involuntary spasm, causing me to pretty much fall over and kill myself in the shower - and I've already established I've died enough recently.
However, this cold going around at the moment does provide it's advantages. A few of you may remember by mad dash for the toilets last week in order to change for college? Well - the teacher who teaches us the the lesson before that dash had also fallen to swine / bird / chicken / mongoose flu, allowing me to casually stroll along the empty corridors, make my way to the toilet - get changed, sit down - and take a nice, hard...
...Cold and flu tablet to help relive my symptoms.
Anyway, today, I have been making a real effort on my personal statement. For those of you that don't know what a personal statement entails - it is an application letter to university that actually promotes the use of narcissism! What a fun, fun way to spend a few evenings! Writing a letter about how great you are which will actually see the light of day as opposed to being filed down the back of your bed with the rest of them so that you can one evening pull them all out again, and read through them enjoying a escapist sequence in which you single-handedly cure cancer, enforce world peace - and end global hunger by simply reciting one of Nickleback's albums on the kazoo, and, as such, will a Nobel prize as presented by Mr. T for "Awesomeness to the highest level".
Of course, in actuality, its the first time in my life I've actually had the heart rate of an Olympic runner who has just been made jump by the starter pistol, run sixteen marathons, realised he hasn't filed his tax return and noticed that the world is currently watching him through there TV screens as he begins his race to give Britain another bronze medal...all at the same time whilst I'm sitting here, writing this statement. Why? Well, I have found this course called "Broadcast Operations", which may as well be called "Hey there, you know everything you ever wanted to learn and aspire to going into as you grow older in sense of a epic career? Well here it is." Of course, this title was rejected as it didn't quite fit on the UCAS website.
Anyway, this statement is still very much a work in progress, so I'm going to need to get back on with it. Feel free to make yourself a cup of tea, and maybe watch some TV. Isn't Futurama on Sky One this evening?
Peace.
PS. Today, at college, I ate a Prawn & Lettuce baguette. It was very nice. If you get the opportunity to eat a Prawn & Lettuce baguette, I recommend you take it.
Every day, thousands of commuters have to pay to travel through London because they are causing "congestion" - despite the fact that they are trying to help the economy by working. However, I woke up this morning feeling rather congested myself; Sore throat, and a blocked nose - yet, when I attempted to get the illness to "cough up" it's £5.70 fee - it simply responded by sending my chest into a involuntary spasm, causing me to pretty much fall over and kill myself in the shower - and I've already established I've died enough recently.
However, this cold going around at the moment does provide it's advantages. A few of you may remember by mad dash for the toilets last week in order to change for college? Well - the teacher who teaches us the the lesson before that dash had also fallen to swine / bird / chicken / mongoose flu, allowing me to casually stroll along the empty corridors, make my way to the toilet - get changed, sit down - and take a nice, hard...
...Cold and flu tablet to help relive my symptoms.
Anyway, today, I have been making a real effort on my personal statement. For those of you that don't know what a personal statement entails - it is an application letter to university that actually promotes the use of narcissism! What a fun, fun way to spend a few evenings! Writing a letter about how great you are which will actually see the light of day as opposed to being filed down the back of your bed with the rest of them so that you can one evening pull them all out again, and read through them enjoying a escapist sequence in which you single-handedly cure cancer, enforce world peace - and end global hunger by simply reciting one of Nickleback's albums on the kazoo, and, as such, will a Nobel prize as presented by Mr. T for "Awesomeness to the highest level".
Of course, in actuality, its the first time in my life I've actually had the heart rate of an Olympic runner who has just been made jump by the starter pistol, run sixteen marathons, realised he hasn't filed his tax return and noticed that the world is currently watching him through there TV screens as he begins his race to give Britain another bronze medal...all at the same time whilst I'm sitting here, writing this statement. Why? Well, I have found this course called "Broadcast Operations", which may as well be called "Hey there, you know everything you ever wanted to learn and aspire to going into as you grow older in sense of a epic career? Well here it is." Of course, this title was rejected as it didn't quite fit on the UCAS website.
Anyway, this statement is still very much a work in progress, so I'm going to need to get back on with it. Feel free to make yourself a cup of tea, and maybe watch some TV. Isn't Futurama on Sky One this evening?
Peace.
PS. Today, at college, I ate a Prawn & Lettuce baguette. It was very nice. If you get the opportunity to eat a Prawn & Lettuce baguette, I recommend you take it.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Poetry is Manly.
Today was Wednesday here in the UK - and, as such, nothing really happened. However, because I am a true man, armed with nothing but my manly credentials - I am going to attempt (and fail horribly) to write today's blog in the style of a poem.
Today started like any other,
I combed my now non-existent hair whilst being laughed at by my mother,
It took me just over twenty minutes to walk to school,
with my lack of hair removing the last of my "cool".
I only had one lesson which was just under an hour-and-a-half,
and decided to show "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus" which attracted a solitary laugh,
It was soon after this I got the green-light to teach,
to the year 7's, film and media - I will now preach.
As one-ten rolled around it was time to leave for lunch,
and I headed for the shops with my usual bunch,
and now I'm at home with a sore throat,
serves me right for going out in the cold without a coat.
Check back tomorrow to find out what happens at college,
I will write a new blog to boast my new knowledge.
Until then I bid you goodbye my Friend,
You'll be glad to hear this poems at its end.
Peace.
PS. I think I have a cold. You'd best wash your hands after reading the blog today. I wouldn't want you to catch my illness.
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Feeling Like a Shaved Bowling Ball.
After a wonderfully uneventful day at school - I headed off to my local town center in order to have my hair "styled" - as, of course, that's what all men do after a long hard day.
So - Me and my mop-like hair sat there, waiting for someone to come along and attempt to hack away at what could have easily been used to insulate the family home providing lower fuel costs for years to come. Sure enough, after a short wait standing awkwardly in the corner whilst all the more fashionable people sat on sofas, listening to the latest in cool-people music, reading their cool-people magazines - a guy came over, introduced himself - and took me to the "consultation chair".
The second I heard "consultation chair" - the idea of going to the doctors sprang into my mind - and I immediately thought I had walked into the wrong place, and was about to get the surprise of my life as he grinned, and slowly removed a pack of swabs from his pocket whilst applying a pair of rubber gloves. Luckily, all it was was a chair in front of a big mirror where you sit for five minutes whilst the guy mocks your poor hairstyle, and lists a seemingly endless list of things he wants to do to it (most of which was legal).
Before I could say "I'm homesick and I want to go home" - I found my head forced into what looked exactly like a male urinal from a local restaurant - but, to my great relief, turned out to be one of those oddly-shaped sinks they use to wash your filthy, commoner hair before they have to cut it with their higher-order, finely-crafted hands.
The next stylistic step in my attempted stroll down the fashionable hair catwalk was to sit in another chair, directly by the shop window so that people commuting in the local area could look in, and smirk at me with their manly credentials as I sat there with my hair soaking wet, all alone. Just as I thought that I was no longer loved, and was getting ready to leave - for the third time in one month, I though I was going to die. In the reflection in the mirror, I saw a guy walk towards me holding a pair of scissors. If you live in a town anything like mine - If someone you don't know walks at you with a pair of scissors - you turn around, square up to them, look them straight in the eyes - then drop to your knees begging for mercy whilst you wave your wallet above your head. It the clicked that I had paid him to cut my hair - which he proceeded to do.
At the end, I put my glasses back on to look in the mirror - and was surprised by the total stranger looking back at me. Twenty-three seconds later, it became apparent that I was looking in the wrong part of the mirror - and that "stranger" wasn't me - but the sixty-four year old lady sitting behind me having a blue rinse. As I re tuned my eyes on the mirror to look at myself, I noticed the one mistake the guy had made. I had said "I would like my hair to remain quite long" - he, however, must of heard "Hello. I would like you to cut a silly amount of my hair off so that even bald men chuckle at me as they drive past in there 2005 reg Nissan Almera's." So, overall, mission fail.
I really hope my hair grows to a good length again soon - It doesn't look good at the moment, So I refuse to talk to it until it does what I want and resume a better, longer length.
Anyway, I am about to become a film teacher for twelve to fourteen-year-old students! Tomorrow, I have to start planning lessons. Find out how that turns out Wednesday.
Peace.
P.S. Today, I decided to buy my first bag of pistachio nuts. They are a healthy food that tastes good at a low price. I would recommend them unless you are allergic to nuts and so are prone to anaphylactic shock.
So - Me and my mop-like hair sat there, waiting for someone to come along and attempt to hack away at what could have easily been used to insulate the family home providing lower fuel costs for years to come. Sure enough, after a short wait standing awkwardly in the corner whilst all the more fashionable people sat on sofas, listening to the latest in cool-people music, reading their cool-people magazines - a guy came over, introduced himself - and took me to the "consultation chair".
The second I heard "consultation chair" - the idea of going to the doctors sprang into my mind - and I immediately thought I had walked into the wrong place, and was about to get the surprise of my life as he grinned, and slowly removed a pack of swabs from his pocket whilst applying a pair of rubber gloves. Luckily, all it was was a chair in front of a big mirror where you sit for five minutes whilst the guy mocks your poor hairstyle, and lists a seemingly endless list of things he wants to do to it (most of which was legal).
Before I could say "I'm homesick and I want to go home" - I found my head forced into what looked exactly like a male urinal from a local restaurant - but, to my great relief, turned out to be one of those oddly-shaped sinks they use to wash your filthy, commoner hair before they have to cut it with their higher-order, finely-crafted hands.
The next stylistic step in my attempted stroll down the fashionable hair catwalk was to sit in another chair, directly by the shop window so that people commuting in the local area could look in, and smirk at me with their manly credentials as I sat there with my hair soaking wet, all alone. Just as I thought that I was no longer loved, and was getting ready to leave - for the third time in one month, I though I was going to die. In the reflection in the mirror, I saw a guy walk towards me holding a pair of scissors. If you live in a town anything like mine - If someone you don't know walks at you with a pair of scissors - you turn around, square up to them, look them straight in the eyes - then drop to your knees begging for mercy whilst you wave your wallet above your head. It the clicked that I had paid him to cut my hair - which he proceeded to do.
At the end, I put my glasses back on to look in the mirror - and was surprised by the total stranger looking back at me. Twenty-three seconds later, it became apparent that I was looking in the wrong part of the mirror - and that "stranger" wasn't me - but the sixty-four year old lady sitting behind me having a blue rinse. As I re tuned my eyes on the mirror to look at myself, I noticed the one mistake the guy had made. I had said "I would like my hair to remain quite long" - he, however, must of heard "Hello. I would like you to cut a silly amount of my hair off so that even bald men chuckle at me as they drive past in there 2005 reg Nissan Almera's." So, overall, mission fail.
I really hope my hair grows to a good length again soon - It doesn't look good at the moment, So I refuse to talk to it until it does what I want and resume a better, longer length.
Anyway, I am about to become a film teacher for twelve to fourteen-year-old students! Tomorrow, I have to start planning lessons. Find out how that turns out Wednesday.
Peace.
P.S. Today, I decided to buy my first bag of pistachio nuts. They are a healthy food that tastes good at a low price. I would recommend them unless you are allergic to nuts and so are prone to anaphylactic shock.
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