Picture the Loan.

Well, there you go folks. Half term is over. What did I do this holiday? The same thing every 18-year-old male and female in my situation does...

...Sign myself into crippling debt.

Basically, in a bid to escape the "fantastic" environment of my "wonderful" home town, I spent about ten minutes last Thursday in front of my PC screen flying through the nice'n'easy student loan application procedure.

Well...almost.

By "about ten minutes" I mean "The whole goddamn day", and by "nice'n'easy" I mean "so amazingly tedious that my inner child figured out that Santa was non-existent and is yet to stop crying." At first, things weren't too bad and the questions were easy, and, based on all the information I had typed out about myself, my finances, and my education - I was all set. Right? That's all they need to know?

Wrong.

Next came the questions about if I was religious, and if at the age of eighteen, I already held any degrees. Then came demands for information about my family - and, as I hit the final "submit" button and agreed to send them my birth certificate and a photograph of my left foot to confirm my identity - my heart sunk. I realised what was happening. They are building a clone.

By synthesizing the data they are probed off of me, the student loan company are planning to build a clone of me - except he'll be stronger, quicker, more witty and twice as attractive as me - and, when I finish my university course, they'll activate him and he'll have just one thing on his mind. My blood. He alone will be sent to track me down, and retrieve the money I borrowed from the state to cover my university fees, and If I can't pay it back - he'll kill me, and sell my body to cover my debt to the NHS. Or at least they would...

...If the people at the student finance knew how to lift a pen.

Fortunately they don't - so making a clone of me will be off the cards, and besides, the people who run that business have got to be in bed by seven after a long hard day of drooling. Mum's orders.

So there you go "Student Finance" - I now feel about you the same way I feel about Butlins and Jedward...combined. You make me sad. I hope your happy.

Check back next week for a "hehe" happy "hoho" article about hamsters! (Or something similar.)

Peace!

PS. As of now, every time I post, I'm going to give you a link to something interesting as a special treat. See! Told you that I liked you!

Yes, it's immature, but this made me laugh a great deal! Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWUkgwo-zJE