Britain's "Big Freeze"

Well, boo-hoo Britain! Boo-bloody-hoo! It's just snow!

Wednesday 6Th of January started as normal for me. I woke up at half-past-silly, and forced myself out of bed - and into the bathroom to perform the manly task of turning on the shower, and, like all true men - constantly and timidly putting my hand in the shower stream to make sure that the water wasn't too hot for me. After plastering myself in the usual list of shower products that contain ingredients that no-one can pronounce - yet must be good for me as the bottle clearly states "Designed to revitalise the modern man, and give him everything he needs to make him look and feel his best." - I mean, that's me, right? Right? I got changed...

...Anyway...

It was then a short, gormless stagger down the stairs to perch myself in front of the TV to find out what was happening in the world. Let's face it - not much in the way of cool things are happening at the moment. A politician spoke out of turn - and surprise surprise, Michael Jackson is still dead. However, I was flung from my zombie-like state when I saw a startling report from a on-location news reporter who was practically screaming down the microphone sounding so terrified I though that she may as well have been standing in the middle of a middle-eastern battlefield, wearing a "shoot me" t-shirt, available from all good shops in my imagination, whilst simultaneously being shown photographs of a naked Gordon Brown. She was reporting that the UK had been hit by a "disastrous" snow storm. With that, I sprang from my seat - and ran to my window, fully ready to put into effect all that training I had learnt from watching that 30-second Ray Mears trailer the other week... What "life-threatening" condition was I greeted with? About an inch of snow. That's all.

Now, in true British style - every school, workplace, and road in Britain went into full post-apocalyptic lock down. Sales of canned food skyrocketed as people prepared to ration food for the next thirty years, news reports constantly streamed in saying how we should all stay in doors and how anyone who even attempted to look out of a window would surely die. Now, believe me, I'm as cowardly as the next man - in fact, after seeing a 60-second clip of "High School Musical" - I promised myself I'd never go to an American high school as I could never sing like that and someone like me would be destined to become a social recluse in such a affluent environment as depicted by the completely-realistic-because-television-never-lies-fly-on-the-wall-documentary that is "High School Musical", but even I was able to summon the courage to head outside for a few brief moments to construct a impromptu snowman at the end of my garden, that, thanks to the more recent mild climate - now looks like one of the Nazis from Indiana Jones...Mid-Melt.

Still, I guess I should be thankful for the days I got to spend at home doing coursework, and spending on the phone to my lovely girlfriend! So - whats going to happen in this "big freeze"? Will the death count fly all the way up to population-crippling "three"? Who knows. I've already said my farewells, just in case. I think you should too. Check back Friday to see if the world has ended or not!

Peace.

PS. I stayed over at my girlfriend's place at the weekend. I must say, her father is one damn fine cook!